55 Funny Valentine's Quotes for Him and Her
These short messages will keep you laughing this February.
We love Valentine's Day! But sometimes the pressure can get to be a bit much. There's all of the date planning, gift-giving, and special dessert baking that can be fun...until it's overwhelming. That's when it's time for a funny Valentine's quote. Take the seriousness out of the holiday by sharing a laugh with your loved ones. Use these short messages as Valentine's Day captions for your funny love posts.
But when you've gotten through those, it's time to look to the future. We've found the cure to a broken heart: laughter, in the form of the best funny love quotes. Perhaps your relationship status is happily single, or you're in a committed relationship but still here for the laughs. Or maybe you're the snarky kind of person who can't help but roll your eyes every time the Valentine's Day jewelry store commercials come on. Well, guess what? You're in luck. It's okay to laugh at love—because sometimes, as these quotes prove, love is just plain funny. (Check out our Valentine's Day puns, Valentine's Day quotes, and cute love quotes too!)
Miles Davis
"If you love them in the morning with their eyes full of crust; if you love them at night with their hair full of rollers, chances are, you’re in love."
Groucho Marx
“I was married by a judge. I should’ve asked for a jury.”
Roseanne Barr
"You may marry the man of your dreams, ladies, but fourteen years later you’re married to a couch that burps."
Ralphie May
"As a man in a relationship, you have two choices: You can be right, or you can be happy."
Chris Rock
"There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments."
Socrates
"By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher."
Jimmy Fallon
"Oh, here's an idea: Let's make pictures of our internal organs and give them to other people we love on Valentine's Day. That's not weird at all."
Mike Primavera
"You are never alone on Valentine's Day if you're near a lake and have bread."
Henny Youngman
"You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it."
Lily Tomlin
"If love is the answer, can you please rephrase the question?"
Paul Valery
"Love is being stupid together."
Richard Jeni
"Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in."
Lynda Barry
"Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke."
Lemony Snicket
"Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby—awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess."
Joan Crawford
"Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell."
Jules Renard
"Love is an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties."
Ambrose Bierce
"Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage."
Mae West
"Love thy neighbor—and if he happens to be tall, debonair and devastating, it will be that much easier."
Jean Illsley Clarke
"I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?"
Bob Hope
"People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy."
Katie Bowlby is Digital Director at Country Living, where she covers gift guides, product reviews, crafts, and TV shows like Yellowstone. She’s currently stitching up a cross-stitch pattern for the magazine’s next issue
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