60 Funny Valentine's Day Quotes That Really Sum Up the Holiday of Love
Send these in a text or write them in a card to your spouse, friends or co-workers.
While many folks look forward to the outpouring of emotions and thoughtful sentiments of love that emerge on Valentine's Day, many might find themselves feeling a bit more cynical. Sure, it's wonderful to see people celebrating their spouses and partners, as well as their children, siblings, friends and other family members in their life, but it can sometimes become a bit ... much. As much as we love the holiday ourselves, we can't blame you if you're one of the folks who feel the same way. But we do have a solution, or at least an argument in favor of giving the day a chance. Lots of comedians, actors and writers have also felt some kind of way about Valentine's Day, most of whom have articulated their sentiments with funny Valentine's Day quotes.
Favorites like Will Ferrell, Jimmy Fallon, and Jerry Seinfeld have all tackled the subject with pithy sayings and observations that range from smile-inducing to absolutely spit-take worthy. Even your favorite shows like The Office and 30 Rock have cheekily mocked Cupid's favorite day.
Whether you're trying to decide what to write in a Valentine's Day card, looking around for something that will make your partner in your anti-Valentine's Day celebrations laugh out loud or you're in the market for the perfect Galentine's Day Instagram caption, these hilarious V-Day quotes skip over the sappy aspect of this holiday and head straight for the sillier side.
Erich Segal
True love comes quietly without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked.
Sophie Monroe
The brain is the most outstanding organ. It works 24/7, 365 from birth until you fall in love.
‘Sixteen Candles’
That’s why they call them crushes. If they were easy, they’d call them something else.
Rita Rudner
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
Elizabeth Taylor
I am a very committed wife. And I should be committed too — for being married so many times.
‘The Book Thief’
The only thing worse than a boy who hates you: a boy that loves you.
'The Office’
Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.
‘30 Rock’
No, love is hiding who you really are at all times, even when you're sleeping. Love is wearing makeup to bed and going downstairs to the Burger King to poop, and hiding alcohol in perfume bottles. That's love.
Unknown
You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That is your common sense leaving your body.
Jules Renard
Love is an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties.
Ralphie May
As a man in a relationship, you have two choices: You can be right, or you can be happy.
Phyllis Diller
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age — as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
Jimmy Fallon
Oh, here's an idea: Let's make pictures of our internal organs and give them to other people we love on Valentine's Day. That's not weird at all.
James Garner
Marriage is a lot like the army, everyone complains, but you'd be surprised at the large number that re-enlist.
Jay Leno
Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!
Jarod Kintz
You can’t put a price tag on love. But if you could, I’d wait for it to go on sale.
Cher
The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing — and then marry him.
Henry Kissinger
Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There’s too much fraternizing with the enemy.
Bob Hope
People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.
Faye Morgan
The thing about Valentine's Day is that people discover who are single and who to feel jealous of.
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